Disappointment is my go-to feeling. It’s a mood when I’m out of snacks, when I can’t find my favourite shirt because my room, like my life, is a huge mess, or when I meet a new guy. I’ll give it five minutes – because it’s unfair to be a total twat from the start – but honestly most guys don’t even need that much time to disappoint me. I meant this one personality wise, but you get my drift that it goes for other levels, too. (Sex. I meant sex.) 

It’s been a week or two since I went back on Bumble, and it’s been approximately 10 days since I’ve given up on Bumble. I just can’t deal with the small talk, the sex talk, the I-am-obviously-a-dick-and-I-think-I-am-way-better-than-you-talk. Look, it’s me who’s obviously better than you, we should really set it straight from the start. Just took a DNA test, turns out I’m a 100% that bitch. And a 100% not interested.

People keep giving me shit for this; they say I’m never going to find myself a man with this attitude and I’m like daaamn, that’s the whole point, innit.I’m. not. looking. I’m going to meet a great guy at an Arctic Monkeys concert, we’re going to have a whirlwind romance, he’ll write poetry on my skin when we’re in bed together, and then I’m going to leave him because I’m terrified of commitment. He’ll write songs about me, and because they will be so popular, he’ll never be able to get over me. I put the sing in single, babe. 

I just know too many girls that are with a guy that doesn’t really respect them. I know too many women that have settled for a man they thought was good enough, I guess because society was telling them they were running out of time. I know too many women that have chosen a life they did not really want, because they were told this was the way to do it. So many girls and women have ended up with dickhead people, and I’m sure it’s because we keep telling girls all they ever do is not good enough. We make fun of the music they listen to, the books they like, the tv-shows they watch. We tell them they should be pretty and skinny, easy to love, and not have opinions on other topics except for make-up and clothes – although not too many either, because we don’t get to design the clothes, all we get to do is look pretty and skinny in them. 

I say fuck it. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: fuck it. In fact, I might get it tattooed on my forehead (figuratively) or maybe my middle finger (literally). Put on a Lizzo-track, dance your heart out, shake that ass that inevitably has some dimples in it just like everybody else’s and love your goddamn self. You are amazing, you are worth it. You are a motherfucking 10.

Never forget: listen up, level up, Lizzo up.