Yesterday, I had the pleasure of going to a family brunch. Extended family brunch. Yeah. Despite of my sarcastic ‘yeah’, it was actually pretty great. I got to sit next to my adorable grandmother, one of my favourite cousins was there, and, most importantly, the food was great and plentiful. Another upside: most of my beautiful model-cousins have boyfriends, but no plus ones were able to attend. I really like the boys, I just figured their absence would mean the boyfriend-conversations wouldn’t have to take place. After all, we’re all gorgeous, talented, and very loving girls – the distant relatives don’t see me often enough to know I’m actually terrible – so why would it be unthinkable that I had a boyfriend just like the others?

Of course, no family event can pass by without asking about significant others. What was I thinking? My grandma kindly came to my rescue with a ‘She’s so busy pursuing her dreams, she doesn’t have time for it right now’ and I nodded in agreement. One of her sisters then said: ‘Oh darling, I always said, no man in my life before 21, they are nothing but trouble!’ I then had to admit I had just turned 24, which then lead to a ‘Oh, yeah, no, maybe start looking, though; 24, all the pretty ones are taken by now.’ I don’t know what to say, honestly. Obviously, that statement is incorrect. I am 24 and still available and also still very fucking gorgeously pretty. There’s loads of other things wrong with me, but I do remain good-looking up until this day and will continue to do so, thank you very much. 

On the other hand, she does make a good point. Dating is rough. I started talking to this guy on Bumble a few months ago, gave him my number, had some very short and uninteresting conversations, and then never spoke again. I then decided – for the millionth time – I don’t have the patience for dating-app bullshit and metaphorically tossed it in my virtual bin, i.e. I just never opened it again. He then messaged me again last week asking how I was and if I’d had some Tinder successes lately. Don’t know why he asked, but I said I got tired of it and stopped swiping on people. He then proceeded to never text me back. What did you even want to hear? If I gave a shit about keeping in touch with you, this question and non-response would have left me very confused. Did you think it would make you interesting or keep me up at night? I mean.

However, this whole dating after university does feel like going shopping on the last days of Winter Sale. Everything that’s left is a bit shit, it’s either way too cheap or still too damn expensive, nothing really fits, and you always end up going home with something you don’t really need. I mean, damn boy, are you a puffy jacket I bought at the end of January? Because my Mum said I would need you, but turns out I don’t.