There’s only a few more hours to go in 2017, and I have never felt more undecided about starting a new year than today. New Year’s Eve used to mean so much to me, as if I would get a do-over in life when the clock strikes midnight. Everything resets, and the only way is up. More this, better that, the new year would change my life. I guess 2017 has really come through in that respect – and even though it was a total shit show at times, things have changed; I have changed. I still make rash decisions – hello, farm work – and I still don’t care much for planning – hello, ending farm work three days before I would get deported – but I do it, and I try not to look back.

Today, however, it’s hard to not take a minute and see how I could have done things differently – good timing really is everything. Even though Christmas on the farm has been fun – although not really Christmas for me, sitting outside, sweating like a hoe in church under this Australian sun – I wish I was in the city to celebrate the holidays. I even kind of wish I was home home to see my friends and family. We’ll surely have fun this evening, playing games and having a nice dinner, but tonight, I wish I could feel a bit more alive. If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s a routine-y kind of person. I like excitement, surprise, the idea that anything can happen – and lately, the only thing that looks likely to happen in my life, is me stepping on a snake (and although that’s exciting in some way, it’s not really what I was going for). I wish I had planned this out just a tad better, but hey, you win some, you lose some. I’ll make fireworks happen some other time, I always do.

I also do believe there’s beauty in the (non) madness that is my life right now. I’ve got 30 days left here, and celebrating the holidays with this family has been another unique experience for me. I might not feel very alive or anything can happen-y tonight, but then again, fuck those few seconds that supposedly reset my whole life. From now on, I’m going to go with the whole ‘every day is a reset’ mentality (in a non-obnoxious way, obvs) and although I can’t drink champagne every day at midnight – says who, really – I’ll celebrate 2018 properly when I get back to Sydney. I’ll celebrate 2018 properly with my friends and family when I get back to Belgium. I reckon I’ll celebrate lots of shit every fucking day. Not every day is going to be a great day – hell, some days are going to be fucking terrible – but some days are going to be magical. And remember, the key to happiness has always been good friends, and low expectations.

So here’s to a crappy New Year; may your hangover in the morning prove that the only way is up – and if you’re worried about having no one to kiss at midnight, remember that Valentine’s day is just a few weeks away, and that you’ll probably be single for that one, too.