There is a limit to the amount of times a girl can be flat out asked to have sex with guys she doesn’t know – and there certainly is a limit to the amount of times you can be asked that question in a way of spelling that suggests they didn’t even get a basic education. Sure, there are guys who go about it in more creative ways, but it always comes down to the same thing; and there will be no going down if it’s up to me (buy a girl a drink first, will you?!). What I’m trying to say here: I’m ditching Tinder. I have never really used it in a serious way – I mostly just play dumb and mess with these guys (‘What do you mean, ‘the D’?’) – but now living in this fabulous city ànd with smartphone dating being the way to meet new people (read: hot guys) I feel like I cannot not online date. Unwilling to delete my virtual presence completely, some friends from work advised me to go on Bumble. Watch out, Bumble boys, there is a new Queen Bee in town.

So far so good, I guess. Where in Belgium I’d be swiping left so many times it would get depressing, here I feel like I’m piling up the great matches – must be something in that Straya air. Not only do these guys come across as if they actually have more than two brain cells, they are also polite and funny. Who knew that was still a thing? So far I’m still pretty new to the app, so I haven’t gone on an actual date yet – which you will read all about the moment it happens, pinky promise – but there is already one thing I want to share with you guys: the ‘I have watched 50 Shades of Grey One Too Many Times-guy’.

Pretty much any way of starting a conversation with me, is a good way. I don’t ask for much (okay, I do, but not in the first three minutes). Pro tip: just say hi, that will do. Do not, under any given circumstance, ask me why I’m on this app; I’ll unmatch you before your whiney ass can even type out the words ‘send nudes’. Anyway, I come across this incredibly gorgeous boy and we match. Polite conversation, followed by thé question. Very disappointed, I flat out told him that if he was looking for a casual hook-up, he was at the wrong address – I mean, if I would hook up with every hot dude with a six pack here, I’d have multiple baby daddies by now. He then honestly replied he was looking for a submissive girl that likes to do as she’s told as he is very dominant and if I would be interested in that. For anybody who actually knows me, I will go out of my way to do what I have been told not to. You can say a lot about me, but ‘obedient’ is not applicable. I just jokingly replied that I’m about as dominant as they’d get, but that I appreciated his honesty. He still asked me out to dinner –  who said chivalry is dead? – but when I refused to download Kik to talk to him as he didn’t have an Australian number, he blocked me. Hell, you get real and download WhatsApp, I am not downloading an app that rhymes with dick pic just for you.

So that’s Bumble for ya – at least for now. I promised myself I wouldn’t be a picky, overreacting bitch this time and would actually agree to go on a date with the nice ones, so this shouldn’t be the last entry on it. And hey, in this weather my go-to outfit is always all black paired with my yellow raincoat, so you could definitely say I’m rocking the Queen Bee thing either way.